Thursday

| 2020 | 04 | 30 | april empties |


| Colgate | Max White Luminous Mint | 75ml | £3.99 | Superdrug |
| O'Leeffe's | Working Hands | 85g | £7.99 | Amazon |
| Amazon | Mama Bear Baby Wipes | 150 | £0.70 | Amazon |
| Little Soap Co | Organic Lavender Bar Soap | 110g | £3.99 | Ocado |
| Boots | Berries & Cream Shower Gel | £0.75 | Boots |
| Garnier | Micellar Water | 125ml | £1.99 |
| Garnier | Micellar Water | 125ml | £1.99 |
| Listerine | Total Care Sensitive Mouthwash | 500ml | £2.23 | Superdrug |

body&misc. £23.63


| DHC | Deep Cleansing Oil | 30ml | £5 | DHC |
| Andrea Garland | Lip Balm | Midnight Owl | £15 | Andrea Garland |
| Laniege | Miracle Sleeping Balm | 3g | £4.54 | Yesstyle |
| The Ordinary | Buffet | 30ml | £12.50 | Cult Beauty |
| Aurelia | Cell revitalise day moisturiser | £13 |
| Aurelia | Cell revitalise night moisturiser | £13 |
| Aurelia | Revitalise & Glow Serum | £13 |
| No7 | Perfect Pressed Powder | £12 | Boots |
| Wunder2 | Wunderbrow gel | Black/Brown | £19.95 | Amazon |
| Poppy Austin | Hyaluronic Acid | £15.49 | Amazon |
| Too Faced | Damn Girl Travel size | £12 | ASOS

face&makeup. £135.48


| Yankee Candle | Vanilla Cupcake | £15 |
| Escentric Molecules | Escentric 01 | 30ml | £36 | Cult Beauty |
| Escentric Molecules | Molecule 01 | 100ml | £72 | Cult Beauty |
| Escentric Molecules | Molecule 03 | 30ml | £36 | Cult Beauty |
| Stoneglow | Velvet Gardenia & Tuberose Candle | £21 |

perfume. £180

Purchased - £71.04
Declutter - £494
Empties - £339

total. £904.04

i feel like this month is one of my better ones in terms of the reflex to stress. i have managed at least two weeks of no buys, and removed products which no longer serve me. 

| 2020 | 04 | 30 | beauty purchases april |


| Leganza | Colouring Conditioner | 32 Mahogany | £5 | Amazon |
| Leganza | Colouring Conditioner | 31 Bitter Chocolate | £5 | Amazon |
| Hada Labo | Hyaluronic Acid Solution | £8.88 |
| Nip + Fab | Glycolic Extreme Concentrate 10% | 30ml | £14.95 | Superdrug |
| Superdrug | Fruity Coconut Conditioner | 535ml | £2.49 | Superdrug |
| Superdrug | Fruity Coconut Conditioner | 535ml | £2.49 | Superdrug |
| Garnier | Hair Mask | Banana | £4 | Amazon |
| Salt of the Earth | Travel Crystal | £3.29 | Salt of the Earth |
| The Scottish Fine Soaps | Vetiver & Sandalwood Shampoo Bar | £7.50 | Amazon |


| Yes to Cucumbers | Soothing Facial Wipes | 30 | £3.99 |
| Yes to Cucumbers | Volumising Conditioner | 280ml | £4.95 | Beauty Bay |


| Nyx | Eyebrow Pomade | £6.50 | ASOS |
| Colgate | Charcoal Toothpaste | £2 | Sainsburys |

£62.54

Monday

| 2020 | 04 | 27 | weekly wind down 16 |

it's really bugging me that i a) missed one and b) the numbers don't line up with the weeks of the year.

oh well.

This week i promised myself i would get rid of a lot of stuff, and only then could i get myself the bullet journal i've been pining after for weeks.



I genuinely donated so many notebooks it's ridiculous and i feel so much better for it.

here's one of my first random spreads - a hair wash tracker, but also a tracker to see how many bottles of shampoo I actually use.
whatever floats your boat...



we're still getting out for our government mandated walks (just because you can doesn't mean you have to) and generally trying to stay busy.
it's been quite interesting listening to this from the perspective of those who are prospering with the limited routine. it creates a feeling of purpose and productivity.



a highlight was making our own fish and chips. i've been trying to plan a road trip to whitby for a while - but obviously we can't do that.








| 2020 | 04 | 27 | declutter 12 |


| Olio E Osso | Tinted Lip Balm | No.10 Tea Rose | £27 | Naturissimo |

| Sud Pacifique | Coco Extreme | 100ml | £65 |

I am genuinely running out of things. 

| 2020 | 04 | 20 | weekly wind down 15 |

three more weeks. they'll fly by just like the last three i guess.

---

'i want to be like nigella lawson' i declared to my somewhat disengaged audience of one.
he looked up smiling and muttered something about cocaine before getting back to his Rubiks cube. records were going to be set.

---

the weather is turning.
it feels like the plants and animals are leaving us all behind.
they're moving into spring and summer without us.

we're trying to get out.



cook a lot.


jerry has been for a few runs.


bingo. 


i made him sunglasses. probably riddled with coronavirus.


sunday we went for a run, and when we got back in angus has started making blue pancakes. they were his best yet. 


then the task of cutting his hair.
it was not a great effort. but it was fairly acceptable.




Tuesday

| 2020 | 04 | 14 | weekly wind down 14 |

i'm trying to learn how to handstand. i'm sure there's some analogy about trying your best and committing here. for you see. to go upside down you have to go for it. there's no half arsing around here.

also

i'm so uninspired to write at the moment. i'm not taking many photos either because my life is slipping into one long blur.  feel both the least and most productive i could be with an underlying sensation of tired.

i don't know if i'm genuinely sleep deprived and catching up on around three years worth of deprivation, or if the stress is slowly getting to me in a way i hadn't anticipated.

who knows. i certainly don't.

anyway.

---

well, we're here now.

the phrase uttered by myself and that guy i dated like three times as he knocked a glass of wine onto his trousers.

we laughed and i realised that i probably hadn't coined the intonation but that it was used by many.

We're trying to be productive with our day.



but it's quite difficult given the circumstances. 

i'm taking part in a virtual relay - and this time went with the carrot instead of the 6ft long paddles which had been so easy to transport. 


life is weird right now.




Monday

| 2020 | 04 | 06 | weekly wind down 13 |

eeesh

what a week.

i'll leave this here. for now.


jerry has been running. reluctantly and filled with hate. but he has been and i admire him a lot for that.


i have been studying. as productive as i can be in the current situation. it's fascinating watching my own personal ebbs and flows of emotion and motivation reflected in a lot of people around me.
this particular monday, we're all on the struggle bus. 
it's very hard to stop trivialising our work in comparison to the wider issues at this present moment. 



angus is back. shh he never left.
we're going to have to establish routines which allow for both time together and time apart. we also need to work through our own emotions in relation to this situation (read: i MYSELF need to process, angus is a boy).


friday.
the longest friday of them all. 
i am so glad i live at home. 
the previous regret i had felt at not moving out and being more independent has well and truly been washed away and replaced with a quiet level of satisfaction that i'm where i'm supposed to be. 
home. 



saturday and sunday
this weekend we aimed for the sweet spot of balance between relaxing and productivity. 
i think we nailed both ends of the spectrum well and managed a full half day in bed before having a super intense five hour gardening session and clean. 
the jetwasher was well utilised, sunburn was achieved.

| 2020 | 04 | 06 | declutter 11 |


| NARS | Eyeshadow Palette | Copper | £28 | Look Fantastic |
| Smashbox | Covershot Ablaze Eyeshadow Palette | £25 | ASOS |
| MAC | Single eyeshadow | Red Brick | £15 | MAC |
| MAC | Single eyeshadow | Rule | £15 | MAC |
| & Other Stories | Eyebrow powder | £12 | & Other Stories |
| Wunder2 | Wunderbrow gel | Auburn Colour | £19.95 | Amazon |

£115

Thursday

| 2020 | 04 | 02 | everyone is making banana bread |

i wish the internet would stop telling me to be productive. i don't want to be right now. don't you know the world is ending?!



also i don't want to be a billy bookcase type of person - don't let me become that. 


---

friday.

what does friday mean? what does it mean to be the friday of the group? i don't think it's necessarily a compliment but i wouldn't find it insulting. it's the thing you've looked forward to all week, but once it arrives you can't wait for it to be over so you can get on with saturdays.


| 2020 | 04 | 02 | declutter 10 |

i did not see this. 
two charlotte tilbury items. 
and the eyeshadow i coveted for about 3 years. 


| NARS | Single eyeshadow | Persia | £17 | Space NK |
| Charlotte Tilbury | Airbrush Flawless | 1 Neutral | £34 | Charlotte Tilbury |
| Glossier | Cloud Paint | Dusk | £15 | Glossier |
| Charlotte Tilbury Magic Away | 1 Fair | £24 | Charlotte Tilbury |

£90

Wednesday

| 2020 | 04 | 01 | declutter 9 |



| Treat | Soft Candy | £7.50 | Amazon |
| Treat | Soft Candy | £7.50 | Amazon |
| Treat | Bubblegum | £7.50 | Amazon |

£22.50

i don't have to explain myself to anyone.

| 2020 | 04 | 01 | declutter 8 |


| Antonias Flowers | Rokka Cologne | 100ml | £90 | Space NK |
| Sud Pacifique | Coco Extreme | 100ml | £65 | Parfum Dreams |
| The Body Shop | Kahaia | 50ml | £20 | The Body Shop |


£175

| 2020 | 04 | 01 | a quarter |

so.
 it is time to reflect on the first three months of this process. to see if the facts and figures align with anything i feel or have experienced.



1. i've spent far more than i had intended - £295 is sort of the total for 6 months rather than 3.

I have highlighted in green below the things i feel that i don't regret. they total around £125, putting the things which I regret at £169.67. 

| Giorgio Armani | Luminous Silk Foundation | £42 | John Lewis |
| Clinique | Moisture Surge Overnight Mask | 15ml | £7 |
| Dr Jart+ | Dermask Vital Hydra Sleeping Mask | £14 | ASOS | 
| Laura Mercier | Tinted Moisturiser | £35 | Space NK |
| Laura Mercier | Primer Radiance | £30.50 | Space NK |
| The Ordinary | Buffet | £13 | ASOS |
| Clean Reserve | Sal Santal EDP | £45 | Coolshop UK |
| Garnier | Micellar Water | 125ml | £0.85 | Amazon | 
| Garnier | Micellar Water | 125ml | £0.85 | Amazon | 
| As I am | Leave in Conditioner | 237ml | £8 | Amazon | 
| Conserve Beauty | Reusable cotton pads | 21 | £8.99 | Amazon | 
| The Body Shop | Camomile Cleansing Balm | £11 | The Body Shop |
| Avene | Soothing Thermal Spring Water Spray | 50ml | £4.50 | Boots |
| Nivea | Anti-Perspirant Spray | 35ml | £1.50 | Superdrug |
| Nyx | Sweet Cheeks Creamy Powder Blush Matte | So Taupe | £6 | Boots | 
| Nyx | Sweet Cheeks Creamy Powder Blush Glow | So Taupe | £6 | Boots | 
| Palmers | Cocoa Butter Formula Concentrated Cream | 60g | £2.09 | Superdrug |
| Leganza | Colouring Conditioner | 31 Bitter Chocolate | £4.75 | Amazon |
| Radox | Muscle Soak Bath Salts | £1 | Tesco | 
| Bourjois | Rouge Edition Velvet | Brun Croyable | £8.49 | Look Fantastic |
| Original Source | Water Infusion Apple & Melon | £2.00 | Boots |
| Original Source | Water Infusion Pineapple & Lemon | £2.00 | Boots |
| Boots | Berries & Cream Shower Gel | £0.75 | Boots |
| Alberto Balsam | Ultra Strong Styling Gel | £1.00 | Sainsbury's |
| Boots | Styling Creme | £1.99 |
| Balibrush | Bamboo Toothbrushes | £4.99 | Amazon |
| Garnier | Hair Mask | Coconut | £4 | Amazon |
| Garnier | Hair Mask | Papaya | £4 | Amazon |
| Arm & Hammer  | Advanced White Extreme | £1.28 | Amazon |
| Palmers | Cocoa Butter Shampoo | 400ml | £3.99 | Superdrug |
| Palmers | Cocoa Butter Shampoo | 400ml | £3.99 | Superdrug |
| Palmers | Cocoa Butter Conditioner | 250ml | £3.99 | Superdrug |
| Cosmetic Butter | Shea Butter refined | £3.95 | Amazon |
| Palmers | Body Lotion | £3.99 | Superdrug |
| Listerine | Total Care Sensitive Mouthwash | 500ml | £2.23 | Superdrug |

lets just sit on those figures for a while.

to look at this across the year, i have effectively used two additional months budgets and now can't spend them during.

2. i can't moderate.
i need to learn how to. but i cannot just stop at 1 of anything. chocolate, purchase, crisps.

i don't have that self control, so when i start shopping, i start shopping.

3. i get anxious
i don't want to use things i love.
this applies to food, clothes, jewelry, makeup etc.
if i buy something special, i have a weird fear of actually using it for purpose.
the 'oh my gosh it's gone and i don't want to be without'. rather than loving it.
i need to learn that it's okay, there will be others. instead i'm trapped in having a best, better and favourite for each category.

4. i buy in response to stress
if i'm having a bad day, my reflex is to purchase something new. anything. shiny. small. big. don't know. just want something new.

5. i don't need anything at present.
i use a lot less than i realise. it takes far longer to use up makeup, and skincare bores me.
i need to use more moisture on my skin.