| 2020 | 02 | 24 | realising |

when was the last time you...
... got really muddy. i mean, to the extent you can't enter the house.
fell over. twice
laughed until your stomach hurt


i have stopped beauty spending over february.

i waved goodbye to two suitcases of possessions - they are now gone.

in addition, my weekend was ruthless:
5 pairs of shoes fell. 
15 pairs of socks
13 velvet scrunchies
countless odds and sods
my ukelele
balls of yarn
crochet hooks in sizes i'll never need
notebooks i'll never use

i am enjoying this process.
it feels good to be ruthless and only keep the things i will use - rather than the things i'd like to.
does that make sense?

for so long i've held onto the things i wanted to have, do or embody.

i wanted to be the sort of girl who'd wear a coloured scrunchie every day.
but they don't suit me or my hair type and if i wear one i gravitate towards the black ones. 
so now i only have black ones. 

same with socks.

i liked patterned socks (especially dinosaurs). i liked how they'd get a reaction from my ex boyfriend, but it wasn't me who liked them. so i kept hold of them because they'd get a response rather than being something i wanted to wear. 

i wanted to learn the ukelele. but i never really got past playing a few chords. 

there are so many items i'd bought because i thought they'd fill what i perceived was a gap in my personality or lifestyle. in reality i'm too busy and can't fully use the items i have.

thankfully this balance has been redressed. 

another series of articles i'd hoped would make me more interesting. more attractive. just more. 
but still i wear the same pair of trainers day in and day out and in a way, i'd rather they were the only ones i owned. 

well, spoiler. they basically are now. it's so much easier.