| 2020 | 01 | 30 | 30 days of cold showers. mastering the flinch |

another thing.

this week I deactivated my facebook.

i think instagram will be going soon too.

whilst i love a good browse, i also realise it increases my tendency to detach from reality (yes i know that's kind of why a lot of people do it). escapism.

but why do i want to escape?

in reality i don't it's just a bad habit i've developed.
i want to read more books. and write more. and take more photographs.

this month i'm going to quit bad habits.


to flinch:
to draw back or shrink, as from what is dangerous, difficult or unpleasant
to shrink under pain, wince


flinching is a defensive reflex used in dangerous situations.

we don't really experience those situations anymore.

yet still, much of modern life creates this type of response.

there is a need to stop defending oneself and focus on those fights which do matter.

stick with me here. i'm not losing my mind. our world has a huge safety net. you're probably going to be okay.

but still, we flinch for job interviews. for public speaking. the dark. hard conversations. sometimes easy ones.

you don't need adrenaline for those situations. but it's there.  in reality you need to suck it up princess and crack on, but your flinch is ever present and providing resistance.

if you don't test yourself you don't grow. you need to make mistakes, resist the flinch, and feel the lessons that come with the process.

to be wise isn't to be safe. it's not about building your defenses so thick you stop learning and making mistakes.

the anxiety of your flinch can be worse than the pain itself.

so that brings me back to freezing cold showers.

it's a discomfort which in our heads is greater than the discomfort of the activity itself.

out of everyone i have mentioned this to they have all physically recoiled. from cold water. they have flinched despite it not being their situation.

you need to move through the flinch and not rationalise your fears.

the ability to withstand your flinch is knowing the future will be better than the past. the moment you get out the shower will be warmer than the moment you get in.

understanding you'll be okay through the hard parts.

that's a life lesson i'm keen to embrace.

it's about creating a habit of doing something hard to make things better.


today was my first cold shower.

29 days to go.

some days i shower more than once (sport, life, everything) so none of these will be warm.

a loss of comfort doesn't have to be bad.