| 2020 | 01 | 20 | meerkats |

relationships are weird aren't they?

everyone just wants to be happy. like - that's actually all there is.

but for some reason we all massively over complicate every aspect of our lives until we're just chasing our tails and making the same mistakes over and over and going nowhere.

i am now at the point in my life where i've had three relationships which passed the two year mark, another which was close. i've dated sufficiently that i consider myself a professional (lol jk) but i've learnt a lot about my own behaviour in the process. 

and i'm trying desperately to not make the mistakes i seemed quite happy to make before. because it's not fair to bring learnt habits with you then expect forgiveness or tolerance. 

no. you need to ensure you're ready to enter someone else's life space. you need to make sure you're level headed and fair. you need to be kind and patient and reasonable. and remember that the whole point of the exercise is to be happy. 

no but seriously. sometimes you just do things. 


two of my ex's were so vocally against valentines or showing any form of affection. 
i realise now that's cause one was cheating and didn't want her to find out we were still together and the other didn't want to feel guilty because he'd be late and forget our plans or feel pressure to actually care. but that doesn't really excuse how little they'd make me feel for even suggesting we did something small.

and i get that the day itself is so overhyped and commercialised that it loses some of it's niceness - but in reality you should be excited by the prospect of spending one entire day thinking and showing appreciation for your other person. that's what it boils down to. unashamedly saying 'hey you, i like you and want to hang out. lets go'

so when i tentatively broached the subject today with the boy and wasn't met with aggression, manipulation or some other negative emotion - i didn't actually know how to react. 

he just suggested plans and then that was it.

i basically wanted to punch past me in the face for putting up with the other bits. i honestly shake my head so hard sometimes at the rudeness i'd tolerate and allow. common decency isn't something you should treat like a rare pokemon and celebrate. no.

if you're into someone - go tell them.