| 2019 | 12 | 30 | to summarise |

it's the end of 2019. it is time. 

i think i really approached this year with low expectations. rightfully so to be fair because 2018 wasn't my best. if i'm completely honest 2017/2018 were probably the worst. but the best thing about rock bottom? the only way is up.

2019 was another year of growth and loss, but significantly more growth. i cannot properly summarise the personal development as i am borderline unrecognisable as the person who entered january. 

for the past 5 years - for whatever reason, i haven't actually stopped moving around. living spaces, rooms in the house, houses in marlow and the surrounding areas, life goals, boyfriends(!?($*^$£), hair colours, sporting ambitions...... yada. the list goes on but this year i've managed to stop.

i've been able to take stock of where i'm at.

i'm actually kinda okay with the person who looks back at me in the mirror.

as lame as that sounds i'm not convinced many people are.


there was one year i trawled through every photograph and picked out a million favourites for a post. but i'm going to just go with the ones from this week. 

probably my greatest achievement is sticking to my new years resolution. 

i wanted to run twice a week for the year. nothing particularly challenging - minimum a mile - but the change has been insane. 

we paddled on the field the day the river started coming down (boxing day). 

the river has now completely gone so it's quite surreal. 

i've also started to study again. it's really exciting but nerve-wracking. 

the other change this year is the boy. he's nice. i like him. he likes being outside too which helps quite a bit. he's going to come to one of my races next weekend as a trial run for the dw. 

it's a strange transition being integrated into someone else's life - just as it is bringing them into yours. i'm frustratingly independent so i find this bit interesting. that's a good word. i'm trying to learn from my past mistakes and not be disastrously unbearable. we shall see.