| 2019 | 11 | 22 | dw. 143 days to go |

whenever i type 'dw' it always looks like i'm saying don't worry. don't panic. it's no biggie.

we didn't come this far to only come this far. we came this far to be strong enough to go further. 
i'm proud of my achievements but that doesn't mean i'll settle for them 

if you don't get the quiet poetry of endurance events, that's okay. but if you see the  magic in the challenge then you'll understand why this event fills me with both excitement and dread. why i fall asleep sometimes slightly tearful i won't wake up motivated to train harder.

that i'll waste minutes on half efforts and not be my best.

It has been such a long time since I verbalised any of my kayaking emotions.

properly I mean.

Filming video logs last year was quite possibly the best therapy for everything that was going on, but I don't have the time to do the same right now.

my run this morning was one of my best lately.

only around 5 miles but it flew by and there was nothing to note in terms of aches or breathing difficulty.

i'm so much further ahead of the me a year ago in terms of running fitness. i hope that counts for something.

i'm also about ten times more knowledgeable of the course. but it's scary. like big scary.

when everything is conspiring to stop you - you say no. not today.

the secret to success is in your sacrifice today. it's in getting back up just one more time