| 2019 | 10 | 12 | bear claw |

my alarm rings.

it pulls me from a restless sleep and without opening my eyes I grab the bulky sweater lying next to my pillow. my bed is a mess of duvet and clothes, some yet to be put away and the rest thrown there after just one wear.

sighing i pull myself upright and rub my face, trying in vain to feel more awake.

through squinted eyes I tie up a messy bun and attempt to cover the blemishes that litter my face - focusing on the bags under my eyes.

i apply mascara, lip gloss and some additional foundation - forcing a smile from my reflection.

thats about as good as its going to get.


i drag myself to work, still half asleep and head straight for the kitchen to make a large coffee. it barely touches the haze but i battle on - smiling to my coworkers in an attempt to appear more than okay.

i do my work but my mind is elsewhere, lost in thought and mulling over the same situations time and time over. i can barely string together the questions i want the answers to - so i don't. avoiding conversation entirely.

i don't really want to be alone in this bubble but the idea of reaching out is too much today. nobody knows the struggle, nobody knows to ask.

the idea of forcing further small talk post work is too much so i head home. i feel anxious and tired. i feel sad and then anxious about feeling sad, and then anxious about feeling anxious.

i ponder. what is wrong. on paper i'm fine. but my heart isn't happy today.

the evening drags on. i get ready for bed early, putting on something soft and oversized before climbing into bed.

i turn the lights off and peer out the window, staring into the darkness. the stars litter the black sky.

the moon is sitting atop the tree line and i smile.

we're all looking at the same one, you know?