| 2019 | 10 | 31 | bye bye |

last night i sat and mainly watched a football match? a match? a game? a run arounnnnnnd?

one team were wearing navy and the other red and to be honest it was a draw and then mainly a draw until one guy caught the ball and the other didn't. unsure who won but i liked the blue trainers more than the orange ones.

I have decided.


no sophie the police don't need your help investigating.

do not lick the cat. i repeat. STOP IT.

you cannot eat soup with your fingers.

you can growl at me all you like but i'm not going to buy you a racehorse.

stop eating the cheddar.

stop licking eggs and putting them back in the fridge.

stop running round with your skirt on your head.

>> just some things we heard in the house last week.


i love people watching .

i recently got on the bus and the tube (not in that order) and realised how much i've missed staring at people in the mildly creepy way you can when you wear glasses and squint.


october has passsed quickly, quietly and without fuss.

i was sitting on my ergo this morning in the garden sweating like something unhappy mulling over the last 31 days. 30 technically.

there are things in my life that weren't there before. there are things which have left.


things i am scared of:
- forgetting to unload the dishwasher
- getting properly lost
- falling out a window
- hurting a puppy
- reversing over something breakable
- losing my glasses
- being locked in a room

| 2019 | 10 | 31 | october empties |

well isn't this a format we've all missed?!

the 'i'm taking pictures on the decking which increasingly needs to be jetwashed again' photo.

I don't know about you but I'm bringing it back with mixed feelings.

Long gone are my days of a bazillion free products, so everything here is paid for by yours truly (not sure if that's a good thing).

| Solinotes | Vanille eau de parfum | £10 | Urban Outfitters |
| Solinotes | The Blanc eau de parfum | £10 | Urban Outfitters |
| Avene | Thermal Water Spray 300ml | £13 | Boots |
| Nyx | Honey Dew Me Up Primer | £15 | Nyx |
| Revolution | Conceal and Define Concealer | £4 | Superdrug |
| La Roche Posay | Effaclar BB Blur | £17 | Escentual |
| Hada Labo | Premium Hyaluronic Toner | £19.99 | Timeless |
| Cetaphil | Rich Night Cream | £7.99 | Boots |
| Mugler | Alien Fusion | £49 | Boots |
| No7 | Instant Radiance Highlighter | £10 | Boots |
| MUA | Pro Base Concealer | £2.50 | Superdrug |
| The Body Shop | Shade Adjusting Drops | £11 | The Body Shop |


Obviously the total cost would be for a direct replace of all these products - rather than how much was spent across October.

ugh. just ugh.

I'm a bit cross actually because absolutely none of these are re-purchases.

It's put me in a bad mood.


| 2019 | 10 | 28 | zoom zoom zoom |

alright alight aight.

i'm on like edit 456 of this post because i can't make it sound like it's not written by a five year old on caffeine.

so this weekend. what happened?

well. the squad went for a cheeky lunch in town - selected and paid for by this main man.

'welcome to my food palace with exclusive magnetic cutlery'

he then pretends to be blind and order a calzone before petting it like a dog and saying 'nice and warm'

the walk by the river was policed by jerry once more. 'we shall get to the bridge. which bridge? well we'll know when we're there'


i was asked on sunday actually about my mum... i don't know how to phrase it better than 'she left.'

it's a.... downplayed topic in our family - elephant in the room. well. not in the room. sort of out of the room.

saturday was busy. i mean super crammed. quick turnarounds and costume changes.

i got in trouble, smashed a few more glasses and the poor doorman.

i'm so torn with working there - it's fun but also a drain on my soul. i think i'm going to keep at it until i finally write the book that will make me millions.

sunday was borderline perfection. river time in the morning.

then quite a lot of river in the afternoon. then a little less river because N got hungry and decided we needed to pick up the pace. 

we walked from marlow to henley (one of my favourite walks) then grabbed a sandwich and sat outside. the end

easily pleased we are.

i flagged a little towards the end, but hopefully it wasn't too obvious. 


indoor time spent watching harry potter, stranger things and bed. 

what a day. 


i need to write a to do list. 

i need to decide if i'm looking to dw. though without a partner that might be a challenge. i think i'll start with paddling tomorrow morning and go from there.

my other endurance buddy is shouting about doing an ultra marathon. this excites me more than it should. 

or maybe it's that i'm not breathing enough. 

> tidy my room
> sort out hair 
> sleep 
> read a book
> shoes
// christmas plans


how much of what we do is learnt. how much is something someone else taught us to do that we're just repeating until someone shows us otherwise?


| 2019 | 10 | 25 | postrian |

to you, my best friend.

i remember asking you if we had to be friends forever.

back then i'd meant it as a flippant joke because i couldn't foresee a time our emotions would turn against one another.

but here we are. in a limbo.

i don't know why we fought. in fact i think our fights were the fall out of other things in life which boiled together and maybe i was in the wrong but you weren't perfect either.

sometimes we hang out and it's like the old times.

most of the time we pass in silence.

i don't entirely believe we're the same people anymore so, there's that too.





| 2019 | 10 | 23 | sneezes and bruises |

do you know what sucks?


today i've had three cups of coffee, two crumpets and a handful of happiness.

i'm having to keep a food diary for a bit.

oh, and two diddy oranges, some mango and a few banana crisps. girls gotta eat.

lunch is gonna be birthday cake with at least seven types of sprinkles. sue me.

(that's not true i'll probably have something boring like... toast).


let us reminisce to the boy i was dating, maybe, two years ago (was it really that long?!). he was a little older, and clearly thought he was wiser. i shall confirm he was not. this seems to be a recurring theme. TW your time will arrive. ohhh yes.


AS. what a whirlwind. to be fair when we met up for the first night of drinks he declared he was going to propose if we had any more alcohol so i should've known what i was dealing with.

we shared more wine and went for a stroll by the river (surprisingly).

i didn't really get it back then, and i was really rude. that was about five months neither of us will get back. oopsie.

to be fair i'd completely forgotten about the guy until a friend mentioned the pub we'd met up in a few times.

bloody wallpaper.

sorry mate.



| 2019 | 10 | 21 | a cheesecake made of soy |

i still get emotional about the time when i was five and someone told me you could open crisp packets from the bottom.

all my skips were on the floor and i lost faith in the world.


folding napkins... didn't realise that was on the table


what's your post night out routine?
mine? I like to capture the struggles of modern life through abstract photography.

i'm like a fine gin, the higher the alcohol content the better the experience.


this weekend was pretty busy as they go.

deciding to pull up slightly on the intensity and time dedicated to training has freed up the brainspace to make some pretty decent plans.

Friday I went to watch some hockey and destroy chicken nuggets. somehow ended up getting roped into playing it next time.

i've literally never played it before in my life.


Saturday kicked off with a 7.5 mile run (split into 8/1 x 8).

then a general mooch.

puddle or jigsaw?
you decide.

sunday was wicked cool.

i went for a 5 mile run then jumped on the train with my buddy BR and we headed towards london.

she had lunch and a hot date that night so we spent the train journey discussing hypothetical get out plans in case things turned sour.

they didn't.

i on the other hand was meeting up with my old time best friend gatorade somewhere near shoreditch.

we used to get in all kinds of scrapes when we were younger - never allowed to our own devices - especially in chemistry a level after the fire(s).

this is us updating his wardrobe.

we then wandered into a golfing situation and ended with identical scores. because you know, we all deserve to win.


| 2019 | 10 | 18 | pieces |

today is all about rain.

but the links are tenuous. if you get them all congrats. you win a prize.

last night it tipped it down.

i'm not obsessed just mildly

the quokka is the only member of the genus setonix - about the size of a cat.

i like him.

i have quite a lot here. 

yesterday my dad fell asleep at the table and it makes me appreciate how hard that man works. i try. i really do but i can't help. hence the pastry. but even that feels a small token. 

ah well. he's off on an adventure today. 

i also had my eyebrows microbladed yesterday.

this was a run following a huge bout of sky water. it's pushed the river up. 

but that's okay because our training is taking a kind of side step and whilst i'm able to fill the void with running it's not the same.

i miss the sun. 

I'm really struggling with working out whether it's all worth it anymore. i get so much from the progression but at the same time the sacrifices are monumentally huge and it's not like i'll be a pro. 

i don't know we'll see. losing the dw direction has knocked me sideways.


i had a dream last night that I played football on a basketball court wearing just one football boot. 

i love how your brain fills the gaps of knowledge and you're like 'yes that's exactly right' (it really wasn't). 


my life is just a collection of post it notes carefully filed in the bin 

bladdy love a to do list though. 


do you remember when i listened to foxes - better love on repeat to the point i couldn't live without it as my backing track? yeah me neither...

--- new thing - end of the fucking world is coming out soon.

my tv wish list is just 

its just too much. 

there was coherence here at some point but i've had less than 4 hours sleep and my mind is boggled. 


| 2019 | 10 | 15 | crumpets aren't toasty |

i spent 37 minutes yesterday dancing to a variety of tunes.

when i say a variety i mean 3. on repeat.


okay so it was 2 songs.


last night i set off for a run which ended up being more of a trek through mud and rain and whilst it was funny had it been two degrees cooler i'd have been a sad little river hippo.

toe rag
toss pot
blithering idiot


i don't like listening to love songs because they're just a group of people feeling sorry for themselves because they can't cope with the person they are alone. that's not a void for someone else to fill.

love songs should be 'i'm really happy how i am but it would be quite nice to share time with you'/


i had such a weird dream last night.

like i need to stop eating cheese before bed kind of dream. it stayed with me throughout my run which incidentally was short and a bit confusing.

linked. no. i just spend too long looking sideways.


| 2019 | 10 | 14 | take your guess |

this weekend was one of many things.

the below photo is not us at our best - far from it. but.

it's been a long time coming.

new shoes




he's really small. 


dad made soup for us with baked bread and idk if thats a sign, but if its not then what is. 


| 2019 | 10 | 12 | bear claw |

my alarm rings.

it pulls me from a restless sleep and without opening my eyes I grab the bulky sweater lying next to my pillow. my bed is a mess of duvet and clothes, some yet to be put away and the rest thrown there after just one wear.

sighing i pull myself upright and rub my face, trying in vain to feel more awake.

through squinted eyes I tie up a messy bun and attempt to cover the blemishes that litter my face - focusing on the bags under my eyes.

i apply mascara, lip gloss and some additional foundation - forcing a smile from my reflection.

thats about as good as its going to get.


i drag myself to work, still half asleep and head straight for the kitchen to make a large coffee. it barely touches the haze but i battle on - smiling to my coworkers in an attempt to appear more than okay.

i do my work but my mind is elsewhere, lost in thought and mulling over the same situations time and time over. i can barely string together the questions i want the answers to - so i don't. avoiding conversation entirely.

i don't really want to be alone in this bubble but the idea of reaching out is too much today. nobody knows the struggle, nobody knows to ask.

the idea of forcing further small talk post work is too much so i head home. i feel anxious and tired. i feel sad and then anxious about feeling sad, and then anxious about feeling anxious.

i ponder. what is wrong. on paper i'm fine. but my heart isn't happy today.

the evening drags on. i get ready for bed early, putting on something soft and oversized before climbing into bed.

i turn the lights off and peer out the window, staring into the darkness. the stars litter the black sky.

the moon is sitting atop the tree line and i smile.

we're all looking at the same one, you know?



| 2019 | 10 | 11 | i think you had to be there

my life is governed so much by the colour of my hair. it's going to change soon. it's a bit... in between. 

| 2019 | 10 | 11 | fish fingers |

'you can have two nuggs sophie'

what a time to be alive. 

i have woken up in the worst mood of late. like. it feels as if there's a heavy cloud hanging over me and i just want to sulk in a corner. i'm cross at everyone and whilst it's half funny it's also a bit frustrating because today is meant to be a good day. i'm sure it will come round eventually. 

i'm wearing my brogues today too. they're really uncomfortable because i haven't worn them in properly. ah well. here's to cut up feet.

i think three nights in a row of bed after midnight is eating into any reserve i'd managed to build up.


| 2019 | 10 | 09 | plants and cheese |

also guys - are we just gonna let it slide that people were dressing up as clowns a few years back? is that something just written into history? okay.i guess we had other things to do.


it's so much harder to get out of bed when it's warmth is literally wrapped around you.

i'm the worst sleeper.

i don't know how many of these posts have been dedicated to the 3am brigade, lack of sleep or written watching the sunrise.

the only time i'm able to actually settle down is when sharing someone else's body warmth. even then it's a gamble because sometimes i just have to lie there for hours listening to someone else enjoying not being awake.




the chief defect of kenneth plum
was chewing too much bubblegum
he chewed away with all his might
morning, evening, noon and night


macavity's a mystery cat; he's called the hidden paw
for he's the master criminal who can defy the law.
he's the bafflement of scotland yard, the flying squad's despair
for when they reach the scene of crime - Macavity's not there!


orlando the marmalade cat



--- okay these are all cats.
you got me


| 2019 | 10 | 07 | to think |


always late.

no matter how early, always late.

time ticking further and further ahead.

constantly left behind.

what to skip to close the gap?

nothing that's what.

not late.

i'll take my pace because.

one time.

there won't be a time.

| 2019 | 10 | 07 | firestone |

every almost suggests a maybe. and it's the maybes that keep us going. 


okayyyy so i've worked out what breaks the formatting of my blog. no promises i'll remember to edit it properly tho. 

you're welcome. 

this weekend was so frustrating from a training perspective.

being frustrated isn't always a bad thing, it means you care, but riding it out is the worst.

worse than brita.

do not get me started on the pelicans.


however my weekend was super wholesome from many other perspectives so on balance it's a :) from me.

I've eaten quite a lot of chocolate (there should be some left) but weirdly - it's never enough.

come at me nandos. i'm gonna go try some spicy sauces.

so i heard a rumour monk was on amazon prime and i cannot wait to lock myself at home and rewatch them all.

you'll thank me later.

i do not understand why more people don't watch him. 

i could be wrong, but i really don't think so.

i'm stopping i swear.

love this. 

i actually went and sat with the gang in the sun for a while. 

all the things i do not miss:



also saw some piggins, land ducks and an array of drug deals in the woods on a solid 5/8 splore.

there are no more gnomes.

that's also fine. i guess.


| 2019 | 10 | 03 | boing |

adrian bliss is 100% the hero we didn't know we didn't need - but for some reason want to follow around pointing at pigeons and asking all the important questions.


in time
eddie the eagle

glitter gets everywhere and the only way to remove it is to completely obliterate your house, your car and your clothes.


4xcandles is one of my greatest achievements this week.


i will just leave this here. i think this is my brain on the outside.

just yelling and running and jumping.

also this.

i took a road that wasn't a road but it was something i chose and that's fine. 


today. today i wanted to wear my big boots but then i'd have to stomp around and i really am not channeling that energy. 


Christmas wish list:
- glossier lip gloss
- diptyque philosososososkylos (philosykos perfume)
- new dinosaur slippers
- stranger things secret cinema experience yo
- anyone wanna set me some GHDs?
- new paddles
- a new kayak (soz dora)
- an airplane

that. escalated. 


| 2019 | 10 | 02 | winner the pooh |

what a photo dump

i'm back.

in the space between.

the bit bang in the middle of the before and after.

yet to experience the moment of what next. because there is no next of something which hasn't happened yet.