| 2019 | 09 | 25 | so finking |

it's the last day in september.

this means

we're almost at christmas time.


i spent the weekend rearranging my room.

like. it was a mess and i still hate that wardrobe but it's so much better than the box room.

^i also paddled a lot and slept a bit less than I should which was made up for by an exceptionally uncomfortable nap.

i kid you not. twenty minutes on the sofa resulted in the loss of function in both shoulders. that may have been more down to paddling 12 miles with a fat bungee on into a headwind. but go figure.

my hair is finally doing the thing I need it to - GROWING.

> i need to book a blood test to double check we're not gonna have a repeat of last year. but surely. surely. surely. i'd know. spending two months unable to walk more than ten paces was probably the most efficient way to catch up on ten years of sleep deprivation. 


this is my new avocado tree.


it's crazy how things have changed.

a stick is a stick.


| 2019 | 09 | 27 | rain in spain |

i woke up a bit directionless today so like any normal human decided my horoscope would be my compass.

apparently i have to take a risk to avoid taking risks but also put off something i can't put off.




i wonder what towns would smell like as candles.


one day i'm gonna roll my eyes so hard they fall out the back of my head and disappear across the floor.


i'm not gonna talk about that thing i spend 100% of my time talking about but honestly i think last night was the best training session I have ever been a part of and I am totally on board for it.

In fact.


| 2019 | 09 | 24 | fizzy tuesday |

today i started the morning in the only way i know how.

knee deep in puddles running into lamp posts. the rain was just something else. I've never seen it so heavy. i couldn't see.
it was fun.

before work i went and ran round the car park in the deepest puddle of the day and now i'm drying out next to the radiator. my shoes are somewhere near the door.

my weekend was hectic. 

picked up a shift at the old job and had a lot of fun doing so. drove home two of our regulars and now i know they live a bit too close to me.



| 2019 | 09 | 20 | before i go |

I woke up so slowly today. No alarm.

i'd taken a half day for exactly this reason and my god i feel better. rested. fresh.

that's going to be utterly destroyed tomorrow but since when have i managed to not do too much.
buttered crumpets and arrested development. shoot me.
sorry. sorry
^that's really funny btw.



| 2019 | 09 | 19 | mornings |

my heart does a lot sometimes - occasionally tops out at 200 beats per minute. 

i work really hard when i train. i don't want to miss an opportunity. a moment. 

i wanna finish each effort elated and buzzing. 

however this morning was my first mistep. i bailed on my run. 

i'm a bit. well. meh. tired. 

i should've taken more pictures of those chess pieces. 

god the things i want to do outweigh the things i can. 




| 2019 | 09 | 16 | busy bees currently climbing trees |

this weekend was populated with very little sleep and a lot of outside.

i feel weirdly refreshed though, probably a combination of adrenaline and productivity.

friday was late and cold.

i don't mind though.

saturday was spent half on the river, half talking about the river and then the rest unconscious in a heap.

oh and then more river.

then eddie the eagle.

then another film i slept through.

actually that's the wrong way round.

 sunday was arguably one of the best paddles we've had in the k2.

i know i keep saying this, but it's because we keep finding something more. more strength. more consistency. more power. more rhythm. the tempo for the 4 x 4min + 5k was bang on, and even on what I would say was our weakest effort it was still lively. 8 seconds of variance isn't shabby.

i should've had more sleep beforehand but i'm happy. life is a balance.

sitting in the driving seat piles on the pressure, though there is nowhere to hide for either of us when we both can see speed and hr.

you have to bring your a game every time.

don't be a passenger. 

it's tough.

it will matter at easter. I keep reminding myself how much it's gonna hurt if we don't hold the focus for the next 200 days. an unlikely partnership, sure, but one that works (sort of).


we missed henley yesterday. bottled it.

not strictly true - we just aren't ready to be ranked in our new divisions.

div 4 is a big step up for me - fewer girls to slow down the start and you can't rely on anyone dropping off after 6 miles. mark has it even tougher so we're happy hiding away for a little bit.

winning the div3_3 was nice. it showed we have the stamina for the 12 miles and have come such a long way since last year.

// if you're winning you're not working hard enough. you never want to be the lead boat in training. it doesn't make sense. it means you're not chasing. it means you're holding the pace where you want it. the only way to get better is to be uncomfortable. to hurt.

the picture below is one of my favourites.

waterside c 2019.

we'd just completed one of the fastest races we'd managed and held crew 160 to the line. the burn from the final portage through had hurt (if you can't see it on my face). the picture captures us crossing the line, my paddles are down and marks are up through momentum alone.

you can see my arms have no strength to hold my paddles (limp wristing much) and the photo after shows me collapsing forwards. that is an empty tank.

i caught the zoomies for the middle third and probably pushed harder than we needed so from Kintbury we were fighting a downturn. oops. without the food from support we'd have crashed hard - though if i remember correctly most of my hot cross buns were ending up in the canal.


i don't know. i need to talk about paddling less.

ron swanson has been my guiding voice for many years. 


| 2019 | 09 | 11 | dance |

I recently found out I was colourblind.

Hit me by surprise.

- - -

Came at me out of the purple.

You can't actually tell. 


| 2019 | 09 | 09 | fine then. sigh. |


my previous upload of this post basically broke this page.. so here's another.

it's funny how time can pass so differently.

as I open the front door at 2am.

the kitchen light - not the porch one - is left on as dad knows my habit of late night snacking.

peanut butter on toast. don't mind if i do.

monday greets me like a slap in the face, my alarm screaming from somewhere underneath a pile of pillows.

i turn over. welcome to the week.

busy weekends.


x-men is probably best at around 11pm. maybe even earlier.


| 2019 | 09 | 06 | ayyyyyye |

my eyes hurt from staring at a screen today. i might have been sneakily and periodically going through the archived posts and re-uploading each and every damn one. That's over 400 in total. I've managed half.


there's something so satisfying about reading my old content. I was funny sometimes.

also can't get enough of this song for some reason. It's a bit weird. but then again when has my music taste been otherwise.


| 2019 | 09 | 03 | its really really here |

This weekend hasn't left me feeling the most refreshed, but I'm also okay with that.

so much for my early night on friday - four hours lying in a field meant dinner was destroyed at around midnight - after we'd ventured to asda for some cheeky snacks.

 saturday was spent down in rye, catching up with family. it was a beautiful day to be fair, but not the shortest of drives. 

still 0.8 of a DW though. 

I'm not sure where sunday went, but it was something I'm not sure I mind. 

// i'm happy i have a new avocado tree. not one to attribute too much sentimentality to that sort of thing, but the death of the old one definitely felt quite monumental. 
// when someone uses the word hate, i don't think they realise the hurt it causes. 
// crunchy leaves and fresh tomatoes. gonna miss the summer. 
// time. i need more of it. but i also want less of some. it's never right is it?