| 2019 | 05 | 29 | clouds |

I have reached what I will describe as an equilibrium. the negativity in my life is calmed by the good, and all in all there is a homeostatic quality to it all. 

i have no worries, and no worries have me. 

the weekend?


saturday i trained, had my nails done and popped over to henley, where amongst other things I sat and watched the world go by. 

I love people watching. 

sunday. we further achieved as our club and managed the most points since late summer 2017. happy days.

Monday brought with it the annual bumps, and more drama than usual.

the umpires convened, they gossiped and made more of the drama than necessary but that is their prerogative in wearing their lovely blazers.

what a gang.

 I cannot wait to cut my hair.


| 2019 | 07 | 11 | sometimes.

teetering on the edge is scary - especially when the rock you'd been using to steady yourself is now the reason you're falling.

I remember being told 'we are only mirrors of our past'.

it made me reflect (hah) that our past is something we are unable to escape, no matter how hard we try.

I realise that we are more like prisms.

our past shines through us but we can choose to make them rainbows.


when i was small. i used to get anxious about tying my laces correctly and remembering my ruler.

now. i'll be lucky if i can find my shoes or remember where i'm actually meant to be going.

of thunderstorms and listening to the spice girls wrapped under a winnie the pooh duvet.

i didn't want to grow up. i was fine sitting on the sofa reading books and colouring in.


i'm determined to make it work poetically with the blueberries#
so many adjectives....

i get really mad when i can't make a poem work.
it's bugging me.

bruised - like my knees.

i had blueberry pancakes too.
and a blueberry muffin.

i kinda like them.


salty hair and sunkissed cheeks.

i miss summer.


just realised i've completely forgotten the name of that chap.


this weekend was awesome

yesterday was funny.


| 2019 | 05 | 03 | take me back |

Do you have songs that take you back to a certain place or time in your life?

I miss those days.


| 2019 | 05 | 02 | today. today. today |

i wonder if it is our human nature which encourages us to take things for granted. to assume that no matter what - things will always remain.

like the planet. or the fact the sun comes up every morning (which by thew way I try to remain thankful for).

social media has made this more acceptable. no longer, when someone says goodbye - are they truly gone for good. it would take one digital message to bring them back.

> side note. it's 06:51 and i'm watching a programme about flamingo chicks. go figure.


i'm a bit sad today. subdued. the hype, the lead up, the fear, everything is over. the dw is over. and now that i've overcome it i'm not scared.

actually. beforehand someone said 'you're one of those annoying people who will just take this in your stride'. and i guess, i totally did.


i'm really struggling to film a post race chit chat.




people don't deserve a second chance.

you don't deserve it. it's not built into our system. sure, mistakes aren't ideal and you didn't mean for the consequence after, but that's part of learning to anticipate what could happen.


not everyone gets as excited as i do.


also. sometimes pennies drop. sometimes they rain down from the sky. and sometimes they topple