| 2019 | 03 | 22 | 41. thats the magical number |

before bed, i shower under water so hot it would make most flinch. but i embrace the heat. it washes the sweat from my face with a satisfaction i hadn't felt in a while.

i lie in bed drawing circles on my skin with increasing pressure. i stop after threatening to break through and turn over.

the emptiness in my bed once scared me but now i embrace it as i stretch sideways, releasing tension in my lower back.

i remember i meant to book a restuarant for dinner the next day and flip back over to grab my discarded phone from the floor.

carluccios. i think. or  maybe the pub down the road.

sighing, i sit up and rub my face. this needs some thought.

my feet feel uncomfortable against the soft carpet and i notice i'd not managed to wash all the dirt from between my toes. i scrunch my mess of hair and delight in the fact it's now below my neck.


i stare into the mirror in front of me, a daily scrutiny. hmmm.

bloody perfection.