Wednesday

| 2019 | 03 | 20 | bbq flavoured chickpeas |

i feel like, if you read my blog you think you're getting some kind of insight into my mind.

doubt it.

a lot of the stuff i write on here is either massively over-dramatised, fictional or just utter waffle.

if you really want to tap into the real inner workings - check my notes app. oh boy.

it contains my most candid thoughts, there are long meticulously drafted messages i considered sending people. there are thoughts from 3am.

lists.
ideas.
dreams.
words, i should have said.
words, i still can say
words, i'll never utter

i've considered more than once going through my notes and pressing delete. some are really painful to read. some still are just painful in real time.

it's weird isn't it? different people's reactions. i like to keep my emotions simmering on the surface. i think that makes me very changing and emotive. others are more consistent, with changing emotions deeper on the inside.

my most recent one is from a conversation i had in my head last week.

i like to write down my shower arguments too.

i don't think people realise how busy i am - always thinking, writing, conversing. i'll be singing. there's no off button. it's just a constant onslaught.

sometimes i wish i could turn my brain off.

maybe that's why i nap all the time. not my anaemia.

---