| 2019 | 02 | 26 | don't stop believing |

I had a best friend at school, more of a brother. 

He was like me, always half plugged into an iPod and never fully listening to the conversation. It was from this we developed a mutual appreciation of the same bands - and in the end had all the words of wild young hearts locked into our memory. 

We were okay with that though, we spent much of those two years in each others company, whether it was walking to and from school or at the various house parties which signaled the beginning and end of the weekend. we were also in many classes - I was in charge of ensuring he was prepared for the tests that day by hurriedly sharing my revision notes on the walk in and throwing them at his head when he failed to absorb anything. 

He and I also used to make the long climb to the top of the hill - him to get high and me to just inhale a straight at the slow pace of someone who knew it was naughty but wanted to do it anyway. 

I wasn't proud of that either. we didn't drink, much. we were the babies of the school year and had baby faces to match. 

I'd say he was the first person I loved, but never told. Had I not been dating the other love of my life (lol) at the time I would have probably acted, perhaps rashly, and spoilt our friendship along the way. Since then there have been so many boys I've had feelings for but let pass because the timing was wrong, but as the first, he'll be the one I remember. 

Funnily enough, he ended up dating my university housemate and I'd say that killed the last reserves of our closeness. The strain there held up for a few years, during which time we tried to salvage our friendship but to no avail. 

I'm not sad though. we have some beautiful memories.