Tuesday

| 2019 | 01 | 29 | i know a few souls without hope |


I am loving this guys most recent album. 


And my new bobble hat. It's more bobble than hat.

so our cat now needs two decoy papers. he's cottoned on to the first.


I'd stop the world if it gave us time.




Monday

| 2019 | 01 | 28 | heat

It's early.

I can hear my phone vibrating somewhere on the floor, the annoying tone I'd chosen for that day doing a mediocre job of inspiring me to move. Still. I get there eventually.

I sigh, and roll out of bed. Committing to standing I wobble slightly and step back.

I end up sitting, clutching to the still warm duvet.

Sighing again, I make a better effort of it and force myself to leave my bedroom.

---

Perhaps one day, but that day is not today.

Patience is a virtue because it hurts.





Sunday

| 2019 | 01 | 27 | so far gone |

the future is an unfolding of the past. 
everything we do, everything we did, dictates what happens next. it's truly that simple but somehow we manage to complicate the way  time works. the way our actions have consequence. 


The things we don't realise until they're past. Until it's over. or. until it's too too late. 

// you're capable of more than you realise. 

// you can be happy. for no real reason. you can sit and smile to yourself and enjoy... nothing. try it. 
I didn't truly realise this until I'd wasted so much time and energy pursuing what I believed to be the end goal, without understanding I could just be happy. 


// not everything has, or  needs a meaning. 
life. this big old game we're all trying to play, is actually quite simple. 


// you matter more than you think you do
it's so easy to get caught up in your anxieties. fears. tears. it's so easy to forget that you are a person in your own right and probably are more recognised than you think 

//

Saturday

| 2014 | 01 | 26 | week 4 |

Today is the day of my race. But don't dwell on it. No, let's not dwell on it. Just as you read this, I'm genuinely probably in a terribly muddy situation having a mild breakdown.

this is my new best friend. He's beyond adorable
So by now I'll have run around 6 miles and be tackling the 'killing fields'/

Fun.

The  boy and are I doing fine - thanks for asking.
I'm now in Newcastle for the next 4 weeks.
As I typed that my Dad just rang. He wants me home for a rowing race. So.
I'm now in Newcastle for 3 weeks.
Then for another 2. Home.
Then for another 3.Home.
Then for another 2.
Then home for 4 weeks.
Then who really knows?
I am well traveled. Still can't pack for jack though.

This week I am thankful for:
My parents. We don't always have it great (who does) but the little things we do are just magical.
My long standing ability to eventually get things done. Over halfway through uni (AGAIN).
old school music + boy music

I was waiting an hour for a train. I'm useless at public transport.
The lust list:
time. I need so much more of it. I want to see my family, visit my friends, go on adventures, study hard and train for these damn races I keep committing to. Oh and all the T.V I've missed recently.
A bigger discount on my rail travel.

Tuesday

| 2019 | 01 | 22 | what's that coming over the hill |

seeing my housemate naked seems to be a thing now. not as in, a big deal, it's just a part of daily life.

basically family.


---

the universe works in mysterious ways, and once again, it has trumped all else.

after a fairly in detail conversation regarding phone insurance and what was covered, the two involved parties both managed to break and claim for our phones - a reassuringly effortless process involving a 10 minute phone call.

now i wait.

actually i'll be waiting a while and phone set up is long.

---

&otherstories

I'm not saying things are getting easier, but quite frankly, life isn't feeling too hard.

I know where I'm meant to be now.

What I'm meant to be doing.

It's just a case of doing it.


I take a lot of inspiration from the people around me, and in this instance it was my cat, Pumpkin. Or fatboy as we like to fondly yell at him as he jiggles across the room.

| 2019 | 01 | 01 | so long and thanks for all those fish |

2018. you. complete. and. utter. bastard.

[i should note that the above is said with no emotional taint. i've made my peace with the past 365 days and can comfortably say i'm okay. however. that doesn't detract from the fact i was essentially, and repeatedly, hit by a bus].

this is the abridged version, because to relive it it would take the entirety of 2019 and then there wouldn't be any time left for the rest of things. like ironing. and baking.

to begin.

no. to end. it was an ending of sorts. the beginning of 2018 was an ending of things, and these things didn't truly end until may, by which point i'd already been touched by sepsis and left 8 kilograms lighter.

summer was spectacularly the worst for us fair folk. the hottest in a lifetime, the hottest known to man, you name it we had many titles over those three months


then. wow. thanks autumn. How to describe the two hardest months of my life. i cannot accurately convey the hell that is to be trapped within the confines of a weakened body, unable to get anywhere under your own steam and to become entirely dependent on those around.

the end of that chapter.



winter started 7 days before I wrote this post and we had warmer weather than we really should have.

I'm nervous for 2019, for it brings with it trepidation and a lack of clarity.