| 2018 | 05 | 07 | fizz |

I literally don't know.

I saw a snake.

But it's not a snake it's a slow worm which is a reptile which isn't a platypus despite wanting to be one. 

But chickens also lay eggs but aren't snakes. 

It's actually very confusing. 

Today I went to get a dress altered. 

I walked in, was instructed to put the offending garment on before being lead to the seamstress for assessment. 

She tutted - before grabbing me and the dress, seemingly angry that it didn't fit. Whilst muttering very fast in Thai she ascertained I hadn't in fact bought ill fitting clothing - I had lost weight. 

She then tutted again, before running off. 

I didn't really know what to do, so I tried to play it cool. I struck some casual poses (think a squat, having a wave, the flamingo... you know) awaiting her return, slightly overdressed for 9 in the morning.  

She entered from a different door and threw a packet of digestive biscuits at me. 

'You have a choice, you either fit the dress or I fit the dress to you. This is cheaper.'

I'm not sure if I can really fault that logic.

edit:  I want to find someone with the surname chapman to marry and have a son with . who i will name guy.

Thank you.

I'm done here.


God I hate mondays. With the exception of Tuesdays.

My sister saw a man do a u-turn metres before a roundabout. I feel someone is obligated to explain the function of roundabouts.

Until that point we should just dwell on the fact that I'm writing this 5 days late.

A couple are walking 10m apart from each other. clearly a sign of marriage.