| 2018 | 04 | 10 | elephants and rollercoasters |

'You've gone a little off brief'

Is not what you want your client to say to you right before a deadline. Ever.

It's similar to your ski instructor screaming that you're off piste and really need to backtrack ASAP, but it's too late because you've lost control of your skies and have broken your legs.

Anyway. I'm a pro at convincing people they need to take a walk on the wide side. The below breakfast was too wild. 


This week was one of very little time to stop.

Monday evening I had yoga, then moved 1 tonne of dirt into a hole we had lying around before settling down to an evening of work and helping people with their life choices. Such fun.

It's arctic monkeys week. I have decided btw.

Wednesday was another Claytons shift - I love working there for some strange reason. 

People who chew gum whilst working out will always vexate me. I want to shake them and be like 'you are one in breath away from dying and there is no way I'm fishing gum out of your airway. gross.'


Saturday was one of the best shifts I've done ever. I cannot even attempt to describe the night but I ended up training the next day on absolutely no sleep and slightly mad.

My hair
I think it's time we had a little chat about the hair I am burdened to carry around with me on my head.

Some people believe that the way I leave the house is actually somehow my own invention. Nahhhhh. 

I am a walrus.
First it was a pass time. Then it was my degree - and now my current job dictates I stay on top of every piece of digital news that passes through the internet.

Having an understanding of topical trends is tedious, time consuming and repetitive. I'm so bored of the internet and what people spout about on social media.

Just hush. I am disinterested in the opinions of a 13 year old child (who has had their account for far too long), and prefer to seek my education through Netflix.

staying on top of the internet is exhausting.

I consider myself well versed in all of these things, and it upsets me when no one else can match the sheer depth and breadth of my knowledge (probably doesn't help that I have a five hour advantage every night and love to split screen).

This week I finished both Season 1 and 2 of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Anything that manages to convince Tina Fey to join their cast is going to be a whirlwind, especially when on imdb it's linked straight up to Master of None. Aziz Ansari starts to complete my Parks and Rec lineup.

Power watching Firefly occupied the later part of my week - I love that show and you should too. 

Orphan Black was an accident - stumbled upon one late night and it's turned out to be deliciously frustrating at the best of times. Based heavily in pseudo-science you probably won't know what's going on until you rewatch it again. (I've been through it three times now). I also have a huge crush on Tatiana.

I really want to take the plunge and watch the entirety of Game of Thrones (I made it up to season 4) but it was such a long time ago that I read the books that they have to come first. Bookwise - The Goldfinch and Breakfast at Tiffanys are occupying my life.

On top of training. Speaking of which....

My foot has started causing me problems.

In this picture it doesn't look too bad, but for three weeks I was stuck to crutches and couldn't walk more than ten metres. Sprained and dislocated, that red patch didn't disappear for months. Walking funny also knocked my back off balance and brought back reminders of the crippling injury I had endured for three years. Mess. 

Stupidly, I would drug myself up to complete shifts at Claytons and push myself to the limits of my pain threshold. Looking back, that was the most ridiculous thing I have ever done. 

the importance of being idle.
When I was seventeen, my boyfriend of the time paid a ridiculous amount of money for us to see the last ever Oasis performance at Wembley. It was awesome. Kasabian and The Enemy were the supporting artists so it was great. 

Anyway I digress, even in the years that have passed the outfit I wore back then would be so out of fashion today that it would be laughable. Tiny denim shorts (not high waisted), black tights and teal converses. A bright pink t shirt and heavily back combed hair accompanied bright eyeliner and heavy mascara. I might bring it back.

For months beforehand we had coordinated to buy all of their albums, every weekend heading into town and scouring the shelves for the next one on the list. They would be downloaded onto iPods and distributed between the relevant friends (we were all going through a Britpop phase, courtesy of us all only seeming to own those CDs).

It was around that time that I heard MGMT at a house party and spent weeks trying to find someone who owned Oracular Spectacular so I wouldn't have to buy it myself. Thankfully, a friend had a cousin whose music collection was broader than ours and he started to widen our horizons. 

After seeing Oasis live, we moved on to The Black Keys, and went our separate ways musically, something which probably hastened the demise of our relationship. This was back when I still had a Samsung U600 slide phone so I was strictly confined to the music I had managed to transfer across to something portable.  

Spotify has changed the way we share and distribute music, and I kind of miss the excitement of acquiring a new CD. Of course, you could illegally download music, but it was still hard to come by and given how late to the broadband game we were it was so much effort

And in other news #iamnot

I am pissed off.