Wednesday

| 2018 | 01 | 31 | i can't actually see |

I feel like I have to come clean about this dirty secret. I'm essentially incapable of seeing.

Since the age of three I have worn glasses, and I guess, become entirely dependent on them. I'm not  blind, but I am lazy. To see, I have to squint and really focus. This is headache inducing and quite frustrating, so often I don't.
Unfortunately, allowing myself to remain blind means I have to learn things by rote.

I know my drinks and food order in most restaurants and cafes by heart. I can recognise sandwiches and other drinks by their packaging and colours, rather than actually reading the labels. 

Rooms in uni are learnt by following classmates - this has lead to attending a spanish lecture and joining a small seminar about music. 

Crossing roads? I have to wait for the green man - in a blurry world he's always reliably there. It's hard to judge things when you can't see.

Don't get offended if I can't remember having certain conversations with you. I have to recognise people by their clothing and hair - with boys this can be a nightmare given their tendency to sport the same hairstyles and shoes. My memory gets hazy past 8pm. Soz. Apparently that isn't a popular reaction.

When people organise meeting in public places, they must tell me exact location via large landmarks. 'near the back' doesn't cut it. I will just walk straight past you in a pub and sit with new people.