| 2017 | 06 | 03 | the one we didn't get |

to you, my best friend. written another time for a different person.

published now because we got it wrong.

this is my goodbye.

for now at least we must part ways. our past is too intertwined with lies and the love we never fully realised until it was too late. i do love you, perhaps now more as a friend or family member, but love is there nonetheless and it trickles into the words we say and the way we are. 

i don't want to be the problem for your future. you have a real chance and so do i at something new. we shouldn't bring our past into that clean slate. you know this. you just don't like it.

we had our moment. and then suddenly it was raining fire and we were paper and burning. that was bad. our emotion was misguided caring, which we do. we care for one another a lot.

you're in my dreams sometimes. you're my guiding voice when i'm scared and sometimes i hear you in my success. you'll always be the first person i want to tell news - good or bad.

i miss you. i miss hanging out and laughing at stupid things. but mostly i've learnt to love the aching in my heart for the best friend that will never come back. because in actual fact, i loved what you should have been more than what you were.

i wish i'd said these things .