| 2020 | 11 | 23 | weekly winddown #?

 so I have lost count. 

november has been quite the month hasn't it?

we're locked down (or are we) and just generally struggling to entertain ourselves through some rougher weather. 

angus has built his own computer now in the new home office. I think we're going to try and do a repaint of the room too. 

paddling has been my lifeline through these odd times. This photo was obviously taken before this lockdown as there are three of us. 

another photot of the princess on my yoga mat.

| 2020 | 11 | 16 | deja vu |

 I'm injured again. 

The legitimacy of my injury isn't helping the fact I don't want to be. 

| 2020 | 11 | 05 | sides |

 air of expectancy. silence. 

my walk this morning was misty, gloomy and quiet. peaceful would be the wrong word, still is more appropriate. 

it's almost as if the world is waiting for something. watching. 

we are all hanging on to a precipice, hoping. 

| 2020 | 11 | 01 | groovy |

November feels very bleak right now. 

today was our last group session for a while (who knows, 4 weeks? 8 weeks?). we reveled in the small things. there's something almost fun about the convoy over to the jubilee, the run beforehand and the changing in the car park afterwards. We had the most incredible sunny weather and had such a warm welcome from the local wildlife. 

our home squad then went out for a meal. the giggling squid. family favourite. we just enjoyed it whilst we could. 

I want to cry at the prospect of the sheer loneliness the next 4 weeks offers. 

but i've just got to join everyone else doing what they can. 

 

| 2020 | 10 | 31 | october empties |

| Too Faced | Better than sex mascara | £22 | ASOS |

| Alberto Balsam | Sunkissed Raspberry Conditioner | 400ml | £1 |Superdrug |

| Nyx | Eyebrow Pomade | £6.50 | ASOS |

| Leganza | Colouring Conditioner | 61 Mahogany | £5 | Amazon | 

| Noughty | Wave Hello Curl Defining Shampoo | 250ml | £6.99  | Noughty |

| Missha | Perfect Cover BB Cream | No. 21 Light Beige | £15.80 | Amazon |

| Old Spiace | Wolfthorn Deodorant Stick | 50ml | £2.99 | Amazon | 

| Shay & Blue | Salt Caramel | 100ml | £55 | Shay & Blue |

| Palmers | Body Lotion | 400ml | £3.99 | Amazon | 

£119.27
 

| 2020 | 10 | 30 | october purchases |

 

| Aquafresh | Complete Care Mouthwash | 500ml | £1.75 | Amazon |
| Charlotte Tilbury | Filmstar Bronze and Glow | Travel | £25 | ASOS |
| Denttabs | Teeth Cleaning Tablets | 125 | £10 | Amazon |
| Glam Glow | Thirsty Mud | Travel | £16 | ASOS |
| Hada Labo | Hyaluronic Acid | £12 | Amazon |
| Holika Holika | Honey Sleeping Pack | £12.99 | ASOS |
| Leganza | Colouring Conditioner | Ruby Red | £5 | Amazon |
| Marks & Spencer | Sea Salt & Freesia | 100ml | £12.50 | Marks & Spencer |
| Marks & Spencer | Woodspice | 100ml | £7.50 | Marks & Spencer |
| Maybelline | Lash Sensational Mascara | Very Black | £6 | Amazon |
| Neutrogena | Hydro Boost Gel Cream | 50ml | £6.99 | Amazon |
| Nyx | Epic Ink Eye Liner | Black | £6.50 | Amazon |
| Nyx | Epic Ink Eye Liner | Black | £6.50 | Amazon |
| Nyx | Micro Brow Pencil | Espresso | £9 | Amazon |
| Nyx | Tinted Brow Mascara | Black | £6.50 | Amazon |
| Old Spice | Wolfthorn Deodorant Stick | £2.99 | Amazon |
| Psychic Sisters | Face Roller | £25 | ASOS |
| Schwarzkopf | Live Ultra Bright | Pillar Box Red | £5 | Amazon |
| Schwarzkopf | Live Ultra Bright | Pillar Box Red | £5 | Amazon |
| Schwarzkopf | Live Ultra Bright | Pillar Box Red | £5 | Amazon |
| Tangle Teezer | Compact | £14 | Amazon |
| The Inkey List | Salicyclic Acid Cleanser | £10.99 | Cult Beauty | 
| The Inkey List | Vitamin C Serum | £7.99 | Cult Beauty | 
| The Inkey List | Vitamin B, C and E Moisturiser | £4.99 | Cult Beauty | 
| The Inkey List | Niacinamide | £6.99 | Cult Beauty | 
| The Ordinary | Buffet | £13 | ASOS |

 I feel like life. life has just caught up with me. A few break-ups ago (probably the one I handled the worst) my mantra was 'time passes, whether you want it to or not'.

It helped a lot. The idea that eventually I would be past the rocky stage and into a point wher eI could look back. I was ready to look back. I didn't really enjoy the stage of 'getting over' and just wanted it to be over.

I was trying to look forward into a future I hadn't yet reached. 

---

anyway. i'm now at a point where i'm not trying to rush, but i am trying to appreciate. 

my question to ponder is - would you want to know your relationships end date? would it make you appreciate it more? 

would you know that you had a week left and make the most of the days, or would you write it off as there was only 7 to go?

i'm torn. I want to know. but also i don't need to. 

| 2020 | 10 | 07 | bench. |

 stagnation

the state of not moving
a lack of activity, growth or development

---

I hate standing still. 

| 2020 | 10 | 01 | september empties |

Split into two

empties
| Chanel | Coco Madamoiselle | £118 | John Lewis |
| Tresseme | Botanique Nourish and Replenish | £4.99 | Amazon |
| Salt of the Earth | Crystal | Travel Size | £3.29 | Amazon |
| Hada Labo | Anti Ageing Super Hydrator | 150ml | £17 | Superdrug |
| Fresh | Complexion Perfection Skincare Set - Rose face mask | 15ml | £10 | Cult Beauty |
| The Essence Vault | Frangipani & Pineapple | 100ml | £24.95 | The Essence Vault |
| Leganze | Colouring Conditioner | Mahogany | £5 | Amazon |
| Vichy | Solar Water | 200ml | £19 | Escentual |
| Fresh | Complexion Perfection Skincare Set - Black Tea | 15ml | £10 | Cult Beauty |
| Lixir Skin | Good to Skin Trio | Electrogel Cleanser | 30ml | £11 |
| Super Facialist | Hyaluronic Acid Night Cream | £16 | Amazon |
| The Cheeky Panda | Bamboo baby wipes | £2.99 | Amazon |
| Le Petit Olivier | Verbena Lemon | 200g | £3.70 | Waitrose |
| Batiste | Dry Shampoo | 50ml | £1.09 | Amazon |
| Timeless | Vitamin C Serum | 30ml | £25.99 | Timeless |
| Tisserand | Jojoba oil | 100ml | £14.65 | Tisserand |
| Original Source | Sea Salt & Samphire | 250ml | £2 | Superdrug
| Stoneglow | Papyrus Woods & Jasmine | £22 | John Lewis |
| Acuvue | Oasys Contacts | £40 | Vision Direct

£352

declutter
| Laura Mercier | Tinted Moisturiser | OW1 Pearl | £35 | Space NK |
| Charlotte Tilbury | Matte Revolution | Super Nineties | £25 | Charlotte Tilbury |
| Glossier | Cloud Paint | Dusk | £15 | Glossier |
| John Frieda | Frizz Ease Strength Serum | £5 | Amazon |
| Balibrush | Bamboo toothbrushes | £4.99 | Amazon |

£84.99

Total: £437

| 2020 | 09 | 30 | beauty purchases september |

This month was super hair product heavy, but I'm pleased to say £23.98.

| Alberto Balsam | Sunkissed Raspberry Conditioner | 400ml | £1 | Sainburys |
| Alberto Balsam | Coconut and Lychee Conditioner | 400ml | £1 | Sainburys |
| Essie | Gel Couture | £9.99 | Amazon |
| Source of Nature | Anti-age Night Cream | 50ml | £4.50 | Sainsburys |
| Leganza | Colouring Conditioner | Rubious Red | £5 | Amazon |
| Noughty | Wave Hello Curl Defining Taming Cream | 150ml | £6.99 |