Tuesday, 29 May 2018

| journal | 2018 | 05 | 29 | busy |

Alright.

'I  mean the lady isn't wrong, hearing the story from the start would be useful'

Let us sit down and converse like the adults we pretend to be.

This week last year, I found out my boyfriend at the time was cheating on me with a girl from his work.

The details were sketchy, the proof somewhat disputable for someone with enough motivation and the repercussions severe - however. I just knew deep down that it was the truth.

Too much made sense.

I was going to post a picture of a birthday card she wrote for him (and he kept) but decided against because that gives too much weight to something which quite frankly is in the past.

I'm over it. There was a time when I wasn't but now I am I can see the difference.

Anyway.

The implications on my life (especially in the 6 months following) are tough. He asked me to move in with him, and stupidly I agreed. But I lost my room at my dads and the space I had. He took that from me. So pointlessly. I lost a lot of money too.

Mostly I miss my room. With a view. This is basically what makes me the angriest. I think the worst part was how he laughed when he realised what had happened. Cruelty is not a trait I want in my friends.

It's pushed back a lot of my plans, things I'd been excited about. It spoiled birthdays, I allowed it to affect other events in my life and it is that which holds the most regret for me. I feel like I've lived in limbo, struggling financially, physically and mentally when really - he shouldn't have been able to ruin that much for me.

Cheating is so pointless. So selfish.

The relationship itself is one I believe I enjoyed at times, but truly, it's been rudely spoiled by the events that followed.

I have learnt more about life though, and for that I'm grateful. You can't take that away. I remember the moment I explained my situation to my Grampa. He basically told me off for just under 4 hours before sighing, and staring straight into my eyes.

'You set yourself up to fail, by not setting yourself up to fail.'

Sometimes being blindly optimistic isn't always a good thing.