Monday, 14 May 2018

| journal | 2018 | 05 | 14 | pastwards |

december 2017

Never stop looking at the clouds, no matter how much dog shit is beneath your feet.

I'm going back to sleep soon, in the hope it will remove the banging headache.

Then I suppose I should put trousers on.

left on my car windshield. the greatest of gifts. or the lockets. not sure which I appreciated more

I love the idea of looking at the moon when you're far apart. No matter where we are, no matter how close. 


I've binge watched a show called 'love, nina' and I honestly have never felt more content. Still feel quite ill though.

In fact, let me describe my ill. 

I have razor blades in my throat.
There's a hammer smashing into the side of my head. 
I feel slightly warm. Only slightly though. 

- - -

I set friend specific notifications on my phone. 

I'm turning my phone off at night and it's the best thing ever. 

i've learnt:: not everything lasts forever. so you either have to enjoy things whilst they're there, or accept they're not. no wishful thinking. just accepted outcomes. 

i've chosen:: to entirely be myself. i need to be okay with the company of myself. I need to teach myself how to let my heart breathe and give my mind a break. I need to remember that i'm not there for someone else

i'm teaching myself:: to learn from loving the wrong people. to know that things hurt like hell at the time, but that's all done now. forward. 

accepting:: the past and leaving it there. 

moving:: toward the open doors. or, at least the doors in my future. 

Chip reminded me that if it's just a cup of coffee standing in my way I need to buy a flask and take it with me. There's always a solution. He's a constant, driving force toward adventure.