Wednesday, 4 April 2018

| journal | 2018 | 04 | 04 | lemons and limes; investment buys |


The pursuit of a pebble. 

I once spent a lot of time deliberating. It needed to be the right size, weight and colour. 

But. I picked up the first one I saw and told myself it was more than just any old thing. 

Now. 

Go for it. You have that pebble. It's been around. 

- - -


I have a list on my bedroom wall. It’s titled ‘investment boys’ (a spelling mistake I’ve yet to correct because it makes me laugh).

Why, you might ask? I don’t really know.

Obviously I can’t really afford much on there. Even reduced in sales or saved up for fastidiously with my vast amount of ‘birthday money’, they will each be more than I have ever spent on anything I couldn’t live in or travel on. It’s barely a year since I hit my financial rock bottom, but in my head these are totally achievable goals.

I think it’s a response to my previous ‘cheap buy, pile them high!’ mentality which plagued me throughout my late teens and early twenties, and is somehow a kind of nod to adulthood.
Shameless consumerism of poor quality goods which would be disposed of barely months later when the shape was gone or the new shiny appeal lessened.
The belief that ‘choose wisely, spend wildly’ will be the way to fix it all.

We all do it.

The skewed mental maths of past savings and future sacrifices to justify an item for long enough to type in your pin and grab the receipt. Ignoring the sinking feeling in your stomach as your bank balance falls to lower than it should and the item you’re clutching will never feed you or pay your bills. Continuously justifying it in your wardrobe, rarely worn for fear of destroying the only item of clothing you have that’s in it for the long haul.

I’m not sure this is sensible, but it feels right. How else to celebrate turning thirty than by smugly pulling your Mulberry Purse out of an equally overpriced handbag all whilst hoping the diamonds on your finger catch the right light to encourage the collective gasp of your avid audience. If that isn’t validation then I don’t know what is.

I’m reviewing my list. Hard.

I’m sure in a few months I’m going to tear down those post-it notes and continue to pine after the Mulberry Medium sized purse in oxblood for a long, long time – but only in my head.