sophie didn't do anything at all.

Monday, 17 February 2014

/ film / Insidious 2

As you know, I can't stand horror films. 

As I'm typing, the intros are playing. I've already jumped twice. 

Oh my god. Why is it that photographs with old people in the background appear to be the scariest? Granted, she's a creepy ghost.

Josh has a 'friend' who visits every night. Great. Hey Elise, your idea of going to find her was probably your best. Bright spark you are. NO DON'T LOOK IN THE CLOSET. I missed this bit because I shut my eyes. apparently it scratched like a cat. 

So we have a flashback. The music is terrifying. I can't cope. Dead old lady - let us get the Silent Witness team on it. 

I like the scenes that are just about normal family life. I think it's incredible how terrifying the sound balance can make a film, silence against really loud thuds. Right. Stress levels have hit 7/10 already. 

Why would you have such a creepy basement. WHY ARE PEOPLE INCAPABLE OF TURNING ON THE LIGHTS.

As a human I am more scared of the dark than I should be. I have a night light. But don't tell anyone. 

I AM NEVER HAVING CHILDREN. Or if I do they have to have quiet toys.  

My one objection to this film is that they all look the same. The mum, the grandma - same hair. Young Josh and Dalton = definitely the same actor. 

HANG ON. Did she just shoot the baby?

Oh phew. Let's play Yahtzee with the spirits. They love a bit of that - some of them can spell. 

 I know we're all on an economy drive but why can't we turn on the lights? Horror films would make so much more sense if they did. 

Well obviously Josh would try and turn off the beep beep machine - Parker's pretty pissed and tries to strangle him. Worst scene yet. Damn it Lorraine you're seeing ghosts. 

Josh, why are your teeth falling out? You mucky pup.

Ghostbusters? Where did speccy mcgee and tubby come from?

[Side note: I have googled kittens with ducks]

Hang on. Where did the dead nuns come from.

As I predicted earlier on, the spirits talk to Dalton through a tin can and scared me so I had to take a break and turn around. My face has been in a pillow - and now we've got men dressing as women killing other people. 

This experience is no fun.

I do not like nasty people. However, the odds of beating a fat guy, a nerd and the old man are fairly easy.

This is like an episode of doctor who mixed with jeremy kyle and Murder She Wrote - and a bit of fight club I guess. 

What started out as terrifying has just turned into a load of people hitting each other on the head.

I have genuinely missed out on some of the plot and what.

Hang on, where have they gone? God damn it Dalton you can't just sleep at a time like this. Well okay, if you insist.

Well. Hi new random characters. That was nice getting emotionally attached for all of 10 seconds.

[I was going to attach a relevant picture here, but got scared]


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