sophie didn't do anything at all.

Sunday, 26 January 2014

| when i was small

The world was a bit of a different place.

I didn't really understand anything, especially the Lion King (trust me, it was only recently that I realised Simba grew up when he crossed the log, rather than swapping out for a completely different character).

When I was seven, my brother bit my sister so hard she bled and had a bruise that covered most of her arm.

His punishment was to miss two pokemon episodes on TV.

I used to love being creative, and would spend many Sundays making a mess wherever I was allowed, but by the biting incident my arts and crafts had been forbidden. My mum had bought me a stationary box, and having been banned from using it at home I'd proudly taken it to school. My naive younger self didn't realise that the school bullies would tear it away from me and its contents would be thrown across the school playground. I still remember the teaching assistant walking around with me trying to salvage some of its contents. I cried.

My parents were just relieved there weren't so many paints in the house. It gave James less to throw.

When I was six, I walked mud into the house. My mum screamed at me and confiscated an assortment of toys, along with my favourite pair of boots. I was also banned from playing in the garden until the ground was completely dry. James didn't like dirt. 

When I was nine, he went round my mums room and threw everything at the floor, breaking a lot of sentimental possessions. We didn't have nice things growing up after that. It's easier not to have to watch things get destroyed. 


Those are just a few of the times when life wasn't fair. But life hasn't been fair for my brother or sister, both of whom are on the autistic spectrum. It's been quite eye opening actually. When my mum was trying to deal with two particularly difficult kids and one that was determined to just explore, many of our friends closed their doors. They didn't want to help or hear her struggles. They only wanted to see the parents with perfect little darlings, and we were often left out. 

People always raise their eyebrows when I'll happily go above and beyond to help them out. They think there's a hidden agenda, or that I'm a bit weird or have nothing better to do. In actual fact, I'd rather make sure that I do everything in my power to even things out a bit, and restore the balance. You won't always know why someone is struggling, but I truly believe it's essential that you give them the best chance of succeeding. 

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