sophie didn't do anything at all.

Monday, 23 December 2013

/ fitness / it's getting a bit scary now

My fierce competitiveness got the better of me last week.

I was on the treadmill - 3 miles into the 10 I had planned to do that day - and something clicked. It was too hard. I couldn't go on.

I was literally bawling in the middle of the gym.

Embarrassment aside, it gave me a cause for real concern. Pretend-limping off the treadmill towards the stretching mats so onlookers would feel a torn calf had justified such a reaction, I was all set to give up and go home. [this is surprisingly hard to write about - I feel like such a failure]. 

I've always been stubborn. No small obstacle will get in my way and sometimes I go too far to prove myself.
However, as I've mentioned before, my fear of failure can sometimes, very rarely, get the better of me. Coupled with a deep set competitiveness this is truly a detrimental mix. 

Anyway, this Tough Guy race has been giving me nightmares for over a month - they are no fun. Claustrophobia has never been an issue, but in dreams your mind twists things and makes them a million times worse. Just imagine nightmares dominated by tight crawl spaces, freezing temperatures, heights, drowning, being unable to see, pain etc. I've starting shouting and screaming in my sleep, and quite often I wake up crouched on the floor - it's like something out of a horror film. Aside from these haunting images, I'm getting a reduced amount of sleep. Great. That's going to help. 

Anyway, this particular workout I was clearly too tired and too emotional to attempt - but being the stubborn fool I am - I did anyway.

You'll be pleased to hear that after a little break, some water and an apple I hopped back on the treadmill and completed the other 7 miles. And a weights session. And a 2 mile interval workout on the spinning bikes - and a 1k sprint on the rowing machines. I am the machine.

It's just my hormones probably. 

Hopefully, these nightmares will make what I actually face look like child's play. 

I went home and ate an entire chocolate bar.


I just wanted to make you all to know it's okay to cry in public when you're a woman - it's what's expected...

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